The Epitome of Idiocy

There's been much talk here lately amoung overweight & out of shape Christians about the Daniel Diet. Not wanting to be left out, I decided to try my own Biblically inspired diet based on Ezekiel 4. I simply call it the Ezekiel Diet.

The instructions are found in Ezekiel 4:9-12 and they are as followed:

"Now go and get some wheat, barley, beans, lentils, millet, and emmer wheat, and mix them together in a storage jar. Use them to make bread for yourself....Ration this out to yourself, eight ounces of food for each day, and eat it at set times. Then measure out a jar of water for each day, and drink it at set times. Prepare and eat this food as you would barley cakes....bake it over a fire using dried human dung as fuel and then eat the bread."

I STRONGLY suggest that you guys don't try this!
 

• First off, my son watched in horror as I "placed" the dung into the fireplace. He may need some therapy.
• Secondly, my wife yelled at me because my barley cakes stunk up the house. (I'm not sure she knew at the time what I was using for fuel!)
• Next, she made me bleach clean the fireplace, afterwards. Apparently my son told her what I used for fuel.
• Lastly, I may need to sleep on someone's couch tonight. She's calling a lawyer in the morning & doesn't want me sleeping here anymore.

Guys, some diets are just not worth it!

The other day I was in the shower and I couldn't find my bar of soap. "Let the Easter Egg hunt begin!"

I finally found it. It was buried under a huge pile of bottles and a sea of scrunchies.

I remember when I was single all I needed in my shower was a wash cloth, 1 bar of soap, 1 bottle of shampoo with conditioner, of course! Can't have 2 bottles in the shower! Gotta have the all-in-one shampoo & conditioner!